Oh how I miss your ranting... Do you miss my all time lows?
This is why I don't go out by myself and be social very much.
I hate the commute, home, alone. No, it's not that I want to go home with anybody, or that I want anybody coming home with me. It's just that... there is something kind of sad in a lingering lonely way about taking the bus home from downtown alone and intoxicated, looking out the windows into the city, alone with my intoxicated thoughts. Even a discman isn't enough distraction.
The night was fun enough, went to Yuk Yuk's with people from work, hanging out with people that I probably wouldn't have ever a chance to say hello to if I hadn't planned the night. Had a few drinks on someone else's tab, spent about half an hour in a donut shop alone with a guy I work with and have a bit of a stupid crush on. He's gotta be at least 30 and not even slightly interested in me, but he's halarious and good looking and responsible... and.
And then I stumbled to the bus stop, phoned Jim who was still awake but drinking NeoCitron and watching South Park and therefore not exactly chatty, so I was left alone, with the city, the darkness, and my thoughts. I hate how when I'm that drunk and alone, listening to music, everythign seems like the tragic backdrop, all too fitting, to a remarkably unremarkable life. The pieces fall together too easily, yet they leave so many gaps.
So here I am, drunk, not really sad, but not exactly happy. Wishing I had someone here, someone to stay all night talking to, someone to relate to and tell my stories to, someone who would tell me theirs. I want to feel like everything is new, like listening to a great song for the first time. I want to be engaged in someone, intrigued by someone, and them me. I just really don't want to curl up in my bed alone, again tonight, feeling so distant from everyone in my world.
I hate the commute, home, alone. No, it's not that I want to go home with anybody, or that I want anybody coming home with me. It's just that... there is something kind of sad in a lingering lonely way about taking the bus home from downtown alone and intoxicated, looking out the windows into the city, alone with my intoxicated thoughts. Even a discman isn't enough distraction.
The night was fun enough, went to Yuk Yuk's with people from work, hanging out with people that I probably wouldn't have ever a chance to say hello to if I hadn't planned the night. Had a few drinks on someone else's tab, spent about half an hour in a donut shop alone with a guy I work with and have a bit of a stupid crush on. He's gotta be at least 30 and not even slightly interested in me, but he's halarious and good looking and responsible... and.
And then I stumbled to the bus stop, phoned Jim who was still awake but drinking NeoCitron and watching South Park and therefore not exactly chatty, so I was left alone, with the city, the darkness, and my thoughts. I hate how when I'm that drunk and alone, listening to music, everythign seems like the tragic backdrop, all too fitting, to a remarkably unremarkable life. The pieces fall together too easily, yet they leave so many gaps.
So here I am, drunk, not really sad, but not exactly happy. Wishing I had someone here, someone to stay all night talking to, someone to relate to and tell my stories to, someone who would tell me theirs. I want to feel like everything is new, like listening to a great song for the first time. I want to be engaged in someone, intrigued by someone, and them me. I just really don't want to curl up in my bed alone, again tonight, feeling so distant from everyone in my world.
posted by Jeannette at 3:58 PM
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